The Meta Model is a very important tool for recovering information about a person’s map of the world. The Meta Model relates to the way that our minds filter information and subsequently how it generalises, distorts and deletes information that doesn’t fit with our beliefs, expectations, values and previous experiences. What Richard Bandler and John Grinder found when modelling Virginia Satir is that when people are generalising, distorting or deleting information they will often have a problem or problems. By asking a question that forces them to recover their generalisation, distortion or deletion often problems can just disappear!
It is important to note that none of the Meta Model responses use the question ‘why’. It is very rare in Neuro-Linguistic Programming to hear anybody use ‘why’ as that question will take people into the content and story behind the problem. While traditional therapy likes to dwell in this area, NLP normally steers well clear of it. A good rule of thumb when using the Meta Model is to ask questions that begin with ‘how’, ‘what’, ‘when’ and ‘who’. These questions will put the focus onto the structure of the problem, and by discovering the structure of the problem it is much easier to allow the problem to dissolve.
What follows is a list of language patterns, responses and predictions. Normally you will use the Meta Model by listening to another person. When you hear them using any of the patterns you can respond with the appropriate response. The prediction is what you can expect to be the result of asking that question.
Distortions
Mind Reading
Pattern: Mind Reading is when someone claims to know what is going on within someone else’s head, without having any way of knowing that information. Common examples of this would be statements such as “He hates me” or in a business environment if someone hadn’t let you tell them about your product and they said “It won’t be any good for me”.
Response: The response is to ask a question that recovers how they know that information. So the response to the two above examples could be: “How do you know he hates you?” and “How do you know it won’t be any good for you?
Prediction: The normal result of your question is that the person will pause, think about it for a moment, and tell you what makes them think that. It is not uncommon for them to have an answer that requires another Meta Model response, but you will be one step closer to unravelling their Distortions that allow them to have their problem.
Lost Performative
Pattern: A Lost Performative is where a value judgement is made, but the person who made the judgement is left out. Common examples of this would be statements such as “It is good to go to the gym” or “It is bad to drive slowly”.
Response: The response to a Lost Performative is to ask a question that gathers additional information about the source of the judgement. So the response to the two above examples could be: “Who says it is good to go to the gym?” and for the second one, “How do you know it is bad to drive slowly?”. There is lots of flexibility in the potential responses, it would be just as valid to ask “How do you know it is good to go to the gym?” and “Who says it is bad to drive slowly?”. A more generic question that works well with most Lost Performatives is “According to whom?”.
Prediction: The normal result of your question is that the person will pause, think about it for a moment, and tell you the source of the belief behind what they said. It is not uncommon for them to have an answer that requires another Meta Model response, but you will be one step closer to unravelling their Distortions that allow them to have their problem.
Cause and Effect
Pattern: Cause and Effect is where the reason behind something is wrongly equated to being something else. This is often used by people who want to put the reason for their actions onto someone or something else, instead of taking personal responsibility. Common examples this would be statements such as “She made me do it” or “He doesn’t know anything because he doesn’t work here”.
Response: The response to a Cause and Effect style statement is to ask a question that recovers the true reason, or choice, behind their thinking. So the response to the two examples could be: “How does what she did mean that you had to do it?” and for the second one, “How does not working here mean that he doesn’t know anything?”. Your response to a Cause and Effect style statement will normally begin with How.
Prediction: The normal result of your question is that the person will pause, think about it for a moment, and tell you the reason or choice behind what they said. It is not uncommon for them to have an answer that requires another Meta Model response, but you will be one step closer to unravelling their Distortions that allow them to have their problem.
Complex Equivalence
Pattern: Complex Equivalence is where two experiences are interpreted as being the same, when they probably aren’t. Common examples of this would be statements such as “He never hugs me, he doesn’t love me” or “He didn’t ask me any questions after the sales presentation, he is going to buy from a competitor”.
Response: The response to Complex Equivalence is to ask a question that provides a counter example and presupposes it is possible that the two experiences are not the same. So the response to the two examples could be: “Are there people or things that you love but you don’t hug?” and for the second one, “Have you ever bought from someone you didn’t ask questions of?”. The success of the response will rely, to a certain extent, on the questions having the other person reassessing whether their Complex Equivalence is true. If they have never bought from someone without asking questions then that question would be likely to reinforce their negative thinking around the chances of him not buying from a competitor.
Prediction: The normal result of your question is that the person will pause, think about it for a moment, and open up to the possibility that maybe that isn’t how it is. It is not uncommon for them to have an answer that requires another Meta Model response, but you will be one step closer to unravelling their Distortions that allow them to have their problem.
Presuppositions
Pattern: Presuppositions are present in all of our language to a certain extent. A presupposition is essentially a linguistic assumption, something you need to assume is true for a sentence to make sense. An example of a statement with presuppositions is “If my boss knew how hard I worked he would give me a pay rise.” This statement has many presuppositions: (1) The person has a boss (2) The boss is male (3) The person is currently paid something (4) It is possible for the person to be given a pay rise (5) The person works hard (6) The boss doesn’t know how hard the person works.
Response: Given that a simple sentence like that has so many presuppositions it is possible to challenge any of the presuppositions with a question to create a shift in their thinking. While challenging presuppositions that are likely to be true, like #1, #2 and #3, is possible – it is unlikely to result in any major shift in thinking. For the maximum result you are best questioning presuppositions that are less likely to be true, like #4, #5 and #6. The response to those could be: (4) “How do you know the boss wouldn’t have already given you a pay rise if he could?” (5) “How do you know that how hard you work is enough for your boss?” (6) “How do you know that he doesn’t know?”.
Prediction: The normal result of your question is that the person will pause, think about it for a moment, and open up to the possibility that maybe that isn’t how it is. It is not uncommon for them to have an answer that requires another Meta Model response, but you will be one step closer to unravelling their Distortions that allow them to have their problem.
What’s next?
Keep posted for Part 2 and Part 3 in the Meta Model series for Generalisations and Deleteions.